I’m not sure what brought this up in my mind, maybe it’s the holidays, I don’t know. But I came across the thought that I rarely see family. That’s weird right?
Most people who know me and know me well understand that I’m super family oriented: It’s #1 on my list no questions asked. But if you were to ask me how the rest of them were doing like my cousins, aunts, or uncles, I’d say, “fine” but quite frankly I wonder the same thing myself. And too often, if that.
My cousins and I barely know each other. Two of them live out of the state, and the rest are still on their way to becoming young adults, which I think we’ll be come closer as they get older. Still, I gotta wonder, why wasn’t it always the way it could’ve been?
I get approached about my cousins quite often. I hear things like say, “Oh no way! You’re Tommy Duerr’s cousin!” or “Scotty Duerr’s niece” or “Bob Duerr’s daughter!”. Hell yeah I’m a Duerr! I take pride in my name, but I’d be more grateful if I had the other Duerr’s to share that pride with.
The truth is, we are very, very distant. I’m more in touch with my out-of-state-non-blood-related cousins than I am with my first cousins. We never really grew up together (surely for certain reasons I don’t want to get into), but I’m sad that I don’t hear from my older cousins once in a while. I didn’t even get a Happy Birthday this year, and it breaks my heart.
I’m so over pretending I know a lot about them. I’m done pretending that I “forgot” about parties they’ve thrown that honestly I just wasn’t invited to. I’m done pretending that we’re family when we’re not and fuck it, we should be. At least for Grandma’s sake while she’s still with us!
I doubt they’re reading this now, but if they are, I hope you know I miss you guys and would like to get to know you, like we should’ve 20 years ago. I’m serious. Billy, I know we got to bond once in a blue moon and that was nice. Tommy, I hope you’re kicking ass in San Diego with your Lax camp. I hear nothing but amazing things about you both. Maybe we were brought up as long-distance cousins, and that’s ok I guess. But please reach out to me once in a while. Em, Care, and Jess: I love all three of you and cannot wait to see you all again. Hopefully sooner than later.
Let’s make this holiday season different. If you’re in town, all of you, can we plan something? A get together, some time for drinks, a party, whatever? Please and thanks.